Tuesday, October 5, 2010

no reason

Often times, for reasons unknown to even myself, I'll find myself thinking about jobs. Ones that I would not be a good fit for, ones that I would so rock at, and just in case I ever find myself in a position where I am offered said job, I'll be prepared with my answer without having to think about it. (Like a majority of my thoughts, this doesn't actually serve a purpose.) I'm sure you're wondering just exactly wouldn't I be good at- and not wanting to come off as egotistical, I'll leave you with the list of jobs I'd suck at:

President of the United States- I would veto things just for the sake of stamping a giant NO on it. And also I would blow off dumb meetings to play hide and seek in the White House. And I would be painfully honest and probably tell "important" people how truly unimportant they are, potentially starting WW3

Proctologist- behinds are gross

Podiatrist- same as above, except feet- feet are yucky

Sportscaster- I don't really love sports and I'd just play with the screen pen thing on people's faces- goatees, horns, handlebar mustaches, and the like

DJ- I'd only play music I liked- none of that lame crap

Game show host- I hate seeing people uncomfortable, so if they didn't know the answer I'd randomly blurt it out

Traffic cop- I'd make rude people wait an extra long time, just to teach them about considerate driving and some patience

Anything on an aircraft carrier- I watched this show called Carrier on PBS, and boy did that teach me that I'd never make it there. The deck gets up to 140 F- I'd be on break all of the time, too hot. They have to save all of the garbage until they stop at a port- smelly. There's really nothing I'd be good at there.

Lucky for me, I'm not often approached out of the blue and offered random jobs in which I have absolutely no experience. It's probably not a coincidence, either, that I selected jobs that have relatively high levels of pressure upon job performance, either. I'm all about keeping the expectations low, or at least not too high, so I don't disappoint anyone.


  1. Well I'd be right with you sucking at those jobs too. Although I might be able to do the podiatrist thing. Except no knarly toenails. Never mind. I'd suck at it. Luckily my brother in law is a podiatrist and he's very good at it. One in the family is enough.

  2. Great post. I used to imagine myself in various jobs, too. I still do, sometimes!

    (None of mine were quite as amusing as yours, though.)