Sunday, May 24, 2009

Salt in my wound

I had one of those inner-self contemplation moments at church on Sunday. It was not good.

To give you a preface as to why I was self contemplating, I was watching my niece and nephew (2 and 4 respectively) for the weekend. Before church that morning, as I was getting them all ready, boy child was actually strangling girl child, and I couldn't get him to stop without prying him off of her.

I realized what a huge job it is to raise more than one at a time, and felt completely inadequate. I know that I am capable of loving children, but in that moment I did not feel like I was equal to the task of being a mother to more children. I thought I finally understood why Heavenly Father let us go through the trial of infertility, that my own inadequacies were keeping the blessing of children from us.

It was one of those moments where you feel you have been measured and found lacking, it felt more like a hard slap in the face.

Lucky for me I have a level-headed, loving husband and good friends to keep me from wallowing in self pity. They helped me to realize that while it is hard to raise children, its something I'm actually really good at.

And as for the strangling episode, I realized I am not their mom and don't know all of the tricks to help those particular children in their random moments of naughtiness.

I am once again at peace in my mothering capabilities-hopefully it will last.

1 comment:

  1. and not to forget that you don't birth two children at the ages of 2 and 4;-) they start as infants, one at a time....sometimes....haha at least they will start as infants if you birth them!!!!