Christmas letters

Every year I contemplate writing a Christmas letter, every year a letter doesn't get sent, or even composed for that matter. You see I've been witness to the bragfests that some Christmas letters become, and as I walk away gagging, I promise that I will never ever entertain the thought of a Christmas letter again.

Let me clarify that none of said bragfests have been sent to my house; my parent's house, friends houses where they are displayed on the wall, so it is NOT snooping, yes, but none to my house.

Then our neighbors sent us a letter, not braggy, but so insanely hilarious that I nearly peed my pants. not a huge feat considering my weak bladder, but truly it was that funny. Their letter inspired me to write our Christmas letter, maybe next year I'll even do it before Christmas eve, and just maybe they get mailed.

so here goes.

Dear friends and family,
We hope this letter finds you well... blah blah intro paragraph, that is my weakness you know, those darn intros.
Nothing has changed on the home front. Same car, same house, same spouse. Aaron is still selling dirt, Jess still goes out to play with the youth every Tuesday.
Emma attends second grade, mostly by compulsion, and is hoping her parents will let her drop out and work at Daddy's building. She's still not sure what being in charge of a building involves, but it's gotta be better than school. She loves gymnastics and is doing really well, but for a while wanted to go back to the beginner class because "it was way easier." Now that they've moved on to back-hand-springs, she is much more interested her own class.
Bear is as stinky as ever, and doesn't listen any better than he did when he was saved from certain death at the "humane society". He still chases the go-cart any chance he gets, and has now discovered that the cats in the neighborhood have claws, and don't take too well to the way he plays. The next door neighbor's rat, Mable, on the other hand is an excellent playmate for Bear.
Merry Christmas... blah, blah... closing paragraph. I'm not too good at those either actually.

Love,
The Schroeders