Monday, December 27, 2010

the thing which I swore I'd never again write of

A Christmas miracle has taken place, oh, it was a day late- but inspired by Christ himself, so it totally counts.

Before I get to the miracle part, I must confess, I've been quite neglectful of this here piece of the world wide web. Just know-it had to be done, or the most foul, and frankly, pathetic posts would have polluted the internet, of which I may never have regained your respect or kind thoughts again.

The miracle was necessitated by my own contemptuous attitude, and ungratefulness, and luckily I came to my senses and was sufficiently humbled before it was necessary to be compelled to be humbled. Thank Heavens for that.

For 5 glorious days I had my deepest desire granted. There were to be babies at our house, well in all likelihood, just one- but nonetheless, one that would not leave at 5:00 pm. And before I could wrap my happy little head around it, the rug- upon which I was dancing even- was yanked out from beneath me. The weeks ensuing were not pretty. I was not pretty.

And then it was time for the family Christmas party- with all of the extended family, and all of those married nieces & nephews, and all of their babies and pregnant selves. It was hard that night to be happy for Christmas, as hard as that lump in my throat was to swallow- it never really went down all the way that night.

Thankfully we had church the next day, and although I knew I should have petitioned for comfort, I was too proud and angry for that. I was acting like a snotty teenager where my prayers were concerned- giving the silent treatment, when I should have been asking for solace. I don't recall what exactly was said in church, but I felt my Father in Heaven's love- and the spirit of Christmas that was so lacking for me this season. I got up that morning wishing I could take down all of the decorations, glad it was finally over, and came home feeling the love and gratitude for my Savior that this time of year, especially, calls for.

It was a day after Christmas miracle, which is much better than any day after Christmas sale if you ask me.


  1. Oh, Jess. I am so sorry for your disappointment. What a hard time to go through such a loss, and I am proud of you that your anger only lasted as long as it did. After all, you ARE human. Anyone would have a hard time in that situation.

    I'm happy for your Christmas miracle, and I'm going to keep praying for another (different kind of) miracle at your house. In fact, I am going to be praying very hard for that.


  2. As oblique as this post is, I hope I can read between the lines enough to wish you comfort and peace. Know my prayers will be with you tonight.

  3. You don't know how much that helped me to read that someone else had a hard time this Christmas as well. Not that mine was terrible - it just wasn't the dream I had in my head, and there were hormones to contend with... I'm so sorry for your disappointment - chin up, and carry on. HF loves you, and I'm glad it was manifested to you. Good that He didn't yell at you - that's kind of what happened to me last time I behaved badly and then later needed a blessing... it snapped me right out of it though!

  4. Love you. Let's swim next week.

  5. I don't want to say the wrong thing--but I am sorry that your dream wasn't realized. I can't believe you turned it around so quickly---my heart aches when another has that much pain to turn around. Hope all is well----