Have you ever seen that show hoarders? It is an instant anxiety attack in a box for me, and every time we go to my in-law's house it's on. I find myself standing in front of the tv with my hands clapped over my mouth gasping, horrified by all of the crap inside one house. I find myself asking, how did her family-who lives inside the house- let this happen? Why don't they just send her out of town and have a giant yard sale or get a dumpster for the weekend?
My mother-in-law tries to calmly explain to me that it's an illness, and they just can't help it. And, while I am perfectly aware of, and considerate towards, mental illnesses I just can't see how it physically happens.
I have a husband and daughter with slightly hoard-ish tendencies, and as much as I love them, our house will never look like that. It just can't- I'd be in a mental institution. So one day, after visiting, I was talking to Girl Child about it, and the following conversation ensued.
Smarty Pants: Aren't you glad you learned how to keep your room clean?
Girl Child: I'm mostly glad that I got my ears pierced, but yeah I like my room clean too I guess.
Smarty Pants: How do you think you'd feel if we lived in a messy house like what's on tv
Girl Child: Well, it'd be ok, but I'd worry if someone tried to rob us.
Smarty Pants: What do you mean?
Girl Child: Well, we don't really have anything worth taking right now, so no one wants to rob us now... but if we got lots of stuff someone might want to steal it.
And the 8 year old does it again- zing.
I have some questions, but no one- not even my mom- has the answers.
Questions like- Why is barf always red, stain your carpets, takes 5 cleanings to get it out, red?
And how is it, if you are the unfortunate victim of getting barfed on, your outer layer of clothes stays relatively clean-ish, and you end up with you underwear, unexplainably, full?
How does every illness that the Girl Child catches- ends up falling on a holiday?
thankfully here in mecca we celebrated said holiday on saturday is all I have to say.
Why is it that barf always starts in the middle of the night- right during my prime sleep hours, does it know how to tell time?
Can you guess what I was doing at 1:30 this morning?
*a better post, and pictures of the ipod costume to come- when the barf leaves. over and out
It is true and not at all an exaggeration when I tell you that I hauled eight bags of garbage out of The Girl Child's play room last night. The Schroedad and I were in the hole, akin to the chokey- but entirely less drippy, setting up a bin system.
It began with me, Smarty Pants- mother of the year even, freaking out about the disaster zone that the 'play room' had become. The floor wasn't visible due to the copious amounts of junk splayed out like dead bodies. And it wasn't just toys either, clothes, shoes, missing dogs, ok not the last one- but they could have been there unawares to us. We found my niece's jacket that's been missing for a few months. And far too many spiders, one, but still far too many for my liking.
The Schroeder, bless him forever, was out looking at Ikea, Home Depot and Walmart until ten-o'clock, shopping for the bins and shelves. I think we finally stumbled to bed around one-thirty in the morning, but I've never slept better. The peaceful sleep that comes from organizing is second to none, but don't you agree?
I think I actually lost my mind for a while today. Not just the garden variety mind losing, this was all out can't find the thing, too much noise to try and remember the last time it was seen, and not enough floor visible to look for it. In case you were wondering, there was a valid reason for the absentee mind.
7 children in my home, that was it. Only 1 belongs to me of course. Some were screaming, some body art happened, a lot of macaroni was thrown and thankfully no puke happened. All as I was trying to pack and get ready for the trip that we are leaving for tomorrow. with a YW activity that I was in charge of tonight. I gave chaos a whole new meaning, and I have a new found respect for moms with lots of kids all the time.
I'm one of those. You know, the ones who can't leave a dirty house- and was it ever messy, but you couldn't see the floor for the mess. I panicked, and thought about bailing on the trip- then sent the family away and rolled up my sleeves to get to work, and it's done. Floors, counters, laundry- all done. So I will, in fact be going river rafting and hiking- and sleeping soundly knowing that I'll be coming home to a clean house. Cause nothing is worse than coming home from vacation with a boat load of dirty laundry, stuff to unpack, and having to clean the house on top of it, but don't you agree?
so off I go, see you next week. If I remember I'll take some awesome pictures, if I'm lame I won't
Today I had to bust out the magic eraser, you know that weird white sponge that cleans anything off of everything. Crayon on the walls, pen on the floor, general destruction that comes from smallish humans living in the vicinity. There were many smallish humans in my vicinity today- 6 to be exact- and it was so much fun!
I'm sure that whoever created this thing made a pact with the devil. There is no other logical explanation for what it can do. I suppose it's lucky for me that they did- I get the benefits of the waterless sponge miracle without having to sell my soul or guess his name or trade my firstborn child or anything.
And the cleaning mojo the white sponge of magic, possessed me with a desire to rid my home of all dirt- and, well my house is glad for it. That kitchen sparkled like the sequins on a Vegas show girl's costume. But isn't it fabulous?
The sunshine didn't even distract me, not even with his rays lasting well past dinner time now. I had the will power of a yo yo dieter in the 'new diet phase'. Alas it'll probably only last that long.
The crap shack is just that, again, filthier than it's been in a long time, but so much fun was had that it's totally worth the week long clean-up I'm sure I'm in for.
The highlight of the visit, besides the fact that my mama was here {alive and breathing and beautiful, and cancer free} was Girl Child's baptism. She was so happy and insanely beautiful in her white dress, made by the best next-door-neighbor anyone could ever ask for. And silly me, I didn't get any good ones of the fabulous dress, just a few close-ups. It was too wet for that, but just another good reason to put her back in it and take more pics outside.
But I'm getting ahead of myself, I tend to do that when overly excited. Kind of like a Chihuahua whose family went on vacation, and just got home.
Em was oh-so-lucky and got to play hooky from school- so we played, and hung out with cousins and ate, and ate. Everyone fought over the new baby- the Mama always won, grandma's rights you know. We stayed up way too late every night, and got up too early- there was just so much to catch up on- I don't know how, it's not like we don't talk on the phone at least 4 times a week, but we pulled near all nighters anyway.
We got our missionary ready to go, the list was looked over and checked twice, now to make it all fit into 2 suitcases will be the real miracle.
We didn't really go anywhere or do anything special, except we ate at In-N-Out burger, my favorite burger joint ever. Cheeseburger no tomatoes, animal-style, fries and a strawberry shake. It really doesn't get any simpler, or yummier, than that.
On saturday the weather was less than cooperative for my outside brunch plans, so we moved the party on over to my in-laws house- cause mine just doesn't fit that many people, nor do I want to attempt it.
Brunch is really just a fun way of saying eat dessert in the middle of the morning legally, cause there is fruit involved, and we did just that. We gorged ourselves on fruit and pastries, muffins and creme puffs. It was truly delightful.
I can't wait until the fam comes back at the end of August- they picked up Genius Brother from BYU and they'll be back to ship him off to Mexico City, Mexico for 2 years. He thinks he'll recover from all of the Cannon center food he consumed by walking- I'm of the opinion a parasite will be more instrumental in that.
My brain is still recovering from severe sleep deprivation, some details may have escaped the telling of this story, that may or may not be rectified later.
10-4 over and out
Yesterday, I intended to get lost of work done inside the house. Get the guest room ready, mop the floor, clean bathrooms-since my Mama is coming today- yay!
None of that actually happened, see it was perfectly weathered outside, AND I even remembered to put sunscreen on. So I took that as a sign that the yard work should be commenced, and I was right. I have accomplished my goal- we do not have the worst lawn on the block, and it's not even May. There aren't even bedding plants in either- I'm feeling pretty smug right now in case you were wondering.
All of my inside projects sit half completed- and I will officially have people staying here in less than 12 hours.
seriously it's time to get all of the naked barbies out of the tub and off of the floor so I can scrub away, and yet here I sit typing away- while they lie there creeping the dog out. It's a good thing that I work well under pressure, because eventually the laundry will need to be put away and the floor will need to be mopped and the bed made up.
Must turn on work music for additional motivation, cause those naked barbies don't clean the tub that they live in- rent free I might add.
It was the most perfectly spring like morning, I woke up to birds singing and the sun-unobstructed by clouds- shining. So I decided to wash my windows til they sparkled and shined. It's amazing just how much more bright it seems through clean windows.
Then it rained and snowed. now there are water speckles on the outside of my freshly washed windows-grrr. At least I didn't bust out the ladder to do the outsides where I can't reach. Why is it that some sort of precipitation must occur after windows, or a car for that matter, are washed? Is the universe trying to see if I really did want them clean badly enough to do it twice in a row?
I guess I'll have to stick to inside only jobs for a while still, you know those ones I've been avoiding all winter.
