actual conversation: children's television programs

I have a random question. What would happen if a preschool aged girl and her pet went wandering off in the forest? In real life DCFS would be all over that, but on Nickelodeon it's ok.

I can just imagine it now... An Amber alert has been issued for a 'Dora Explorer' who was last seen with her pet monkey 'Boots'. Mr. & Mrs. Explorer have issued the following statement
"We're not overly concerned, she goes on adventures like this all of the time. She has survival gear inside of her backpack, as well as a GPS like map. She'll be home around dark".






I'll bet you're wondering what brought all this philosophizing about, it was a conversation The Girl Child and I had a few years ago that I wrote about in my "for Em journal"- it went like this:

Smarty Pants: Umm, where are you going, and why do you have a back pack and Ducky?

Girl Child: On a adventure.

Smarty Pants: Oh, I see. Where is your adventure going to be?

Girl Child: Where ever it happens, mostly outside though.

Smarty Pants: Ok- but don't go out front alone.

Girl Child: Mom, do I have to stay in the back yard? Dora never takes her mom.

Smarty Pants: Dora also has a pet monkey, and a talking map, so yes- the yard it is.

Girl Child: Real life isn't as fun as cartoon life.

turns out he can

A monumental occasion has occurred- remember when I said I've never been surprised since I married the Schroeder? Well, he did it, he went and surprised the crap out of me. It came in the form of a surprise party even.

How's that for skill acquisition? Going from can't keep a secret, to planning & executing a party, all without spilling the beans. Luckily it freaked him out enough that he'll never do that again, and who knows, maybe he'll retain enough of the secret keeping skill to make Christmas presents a surprise.

What- did you think I'd actually post whilst on vacation?

Well, if you did, you're right.

I'll sneak a quick recap in for all of you who are just dying to know exactly what there is to do in northern Illinois. Short answer: a whole lotta nothing. Unless you count tornado warnings, tornado sightings and The Girl Child freaking out in the basement, then, it's something.

That tornado day, that was probably the most eventful day of the whole trip. Other than that, playing nertz, boot and glove aka hand foot and mouth, whoonu, and a million other games, eating, lots and lots of eating- really good things, too. Oh and movies, lots of movies. I love Thanksgiving, I love a whole week of Thanksgiving even more.

an ipod and truffles to be given

Emma's costume- cutest ipod ever
She came up with it on her own, clever girl.

I know I'm exceptionally lame for taking this long to choose a winner, but trust me when I say you wouldn't have wanted any thing sent to you from my house last week anyway.

Without further ado, the winner drawn from the bowl of fate is- Karen. Just be happy I didn't enforce the idea from Schroeder's comment on said post.

Wait- there's more- seeing as I make the truffles in gigantic batches, and I'm sending some to both of my brothers that are far far away anyway- everyone else, yes all 3 of you, get some truffles too.

They're just not winning truffles. They're giftish truffles? Or some other, more appropriately named, type of package of deliciousness in the mail.

Email me your addresses and I'll ship those suckers to you next week, except Keri- I'll just walk them over.

golf lessons

* warning, the following contains heavy sarcasm, and is a joke loosely based on an actual conversation. And I truly do love those teens of the '00's

I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while, I've been too busy judging the youth of today. The problem, as everyone knows, is that the youth of generation "next" (and you know who you are) are only concerned with having fun. Since when was life fun, I'd like to know? Since when was work an entertaining romp? Since never.

Mary Poppins tried to sell us that bill of goods 40 years ago, but most of us were smart enough to know better. But not the youth of today. Everything is fun, fun, fun. Everything is a circus with free, limitless pony rides. With their texting and their youtube shows, I tell you! Well, anyway.

The thing that really bothers me about this listless, vile generation is that they have no concept of winning. They have yet to learn a valuable lesson: that winning is everything. I hate it. Work and winning go hand and hand, but don't tell that to the teens of the 00's, with their Rihanna and their krump dancing.

Perfect example: The youth playing indoor mini-golf. As the lone winning-minded adult on my team I felt I had the duty to teach them about winning. But no- they were all cheering for the other teams and high fiving their mistakes away with some good natured ribbing thrown in for good measure. They weren't learning about real life. But they were sure having fun! Even the other leaders were embracing this whole new 'lets just play for fun attitude'. Big enablers.

I don't know what to do about the youth of today. It makes me sick even thinking about it. Do you have any ideas? What's that? Paper routes? That's so 80's. What else? Free car washes? Good luck! They just make fun posters and soak each other with suds. I give up.

I'm not angry, just disappointed. Well, I'm like 60% angry and 40% disappointed. I bet forty years from now our President will be some Red Bull addict who sits at home playing Garage Band. It's basically the apocalypse. Sound bleak? Well, don't kill the messenger.

Really bad pictures from a really great concert

I give you: Really bad picture #1


Can you see that it's supposed to be a stage with a band on it? I know, all I see is fuzzy outlines of high-school kids smashed closer than should be physically possible too. I really want to know how they all didn't die of asphyxiation- there were some majorly smelly, sweaty teenage boys. yuck. double yuck. It reminded me of home in a sad smelly sort of way. Ending up with 5 brothers will do that to a girl.


Really bad picture #2

This one, I admit, is worse- if there could be a better/worse in this scenario. But, seriously, it looked really cool in person.

The Band: Phoenix
The Venue: In the Venue
The Partner in Crime: Q-Town, herself

The sad thing is that there were more high school students there than I expected. Somehow, magically I did not feel old or out of place- mostly because there were parents there with their high school kids, mortifying them and practically ruining their lives, I'm sure.

In case you wondered where I've been

I am tired, bone deep, exhausted, body-won't-follow-brain's-instructions-tired. Girls camp is the reason for my current state of being. Who knew it would be the leaders that would be the ones keeping everyone up at night? I thought for sure I'd have to do some after hours shushing. I never dreamed that I'd be the one being shushed. And just when we'd get our paroxysms of laughter under control- someone would say something funny and we'd be off again- giggling uncontrollably.

Oh, I must tell you about the hill. We lived in the cutest cabin at the top of the hill. We ate most of our meals at the pavilion at the top of the hill, but all of the meetings were at the bottom of said hill. It was steep, and long, and we had to walk down and back up it about a million times a day. I came to hate the dang hill. At first, I would say to myself, self, this hill will make your bum look awesome- so suck it up and maybe even run a little. By the end I said to myself, self, I loathe this hill and I refuse to walk it again today, inevitably the hill required more trips down and back up. It must not have had the proper sacrifices made unto it, is all I can figure.

And now that I'm home from camp I see that my worries have only grown. The funny thing is, is that before I left I was worried about my 1 pre-teen daughter, and all of the complicated emotions that entails, and now I've come home with 11, full blown teenage kids, that I love and will now worry about. It's strange how that happens.

I have so many swirling thoughts in my head, things I learned by watching the girls, and things I learned about myself. But those have to be for another day because I need a nap. A well earned nap I might add, since the camping gear is put away-mostly- and the laundry has all been washed.

repeat please

It was one of those Mary Poppins days- practically perfect in every way, you know the ones where you wish would do the whole groundhog day thing; lather, rinse, repeat.

The Girl Child cheerfully, no eye rolling or sassy tones, did everything I asked- the first time. But holy crow was that more magnificent than I ever could have imagined it could be.

I got all of my chores done, super fast- must have been the peanut butter and banana toast I ate for breakfast- and still had time to play with Emma. And I mean really play. Polly Pockets, Nintendo, reading, built a fort- and cleaned it up, all before dinner.

Tomorrow will you be just as great? Pretty please with a cherry on top?