back from hiatus and an actual conversation

Roofs leak, girl's camp meetings must be attended, I run an orphanage, and mommas visit. What can I say- life happens, and the first thing to go is luxury time, sorry for the silence.


My mother's day gift form Girl Child? Laughter, oh and toast in bed- crumbs brushed over to Schroedad's side of course.

In sacrament meeting on Mother's day the primary children always sing, Girl Child got all the way to the stairs this year before skittering back- a record.

Actual Conversation prior to the meeting's start

Smarty Pants: Are you going to go up there and sing to me this year?

Girl Child: Ok, but only if you promise to cry (after a lengthy pause for consideration I might add).

a valentines tragedy

I know I'm a little late with the Valentineish post, but you already know how I feel about the day in general.

Still, I'll tell you, in more detail than you'd really care to read, just what happened on this day of all romantically laden days.

A treasure hunt is what. I had to find valentine cards, Shrek ones in case you were wondering, I'm still missing one. On said cards were expressions of love, and promises for acts of service. My favorite one of all, "good for one foot rub- both feet" That's generosity people. Especially since I mostly wear flip-flops and my heels are sort of crackly.

One thing that didn't happen, thanks to the mood killer called Girl Child, who popped up out of no where at the most inconvenient of times- I didn't get a good kiss- all day. I'm not talking a quick peck on the cheek either, I'm talking a good kiss where you sort of forget to breathe and stagger away with a silly grin on your face. Now there's a good tragedy, Romeo- Shcmomeo.

valentine's day and the pdap

I wish I could love Valentine's day- but there's this part of me that goes into near convulsive nausea whenever one of those stupid commercials comes on, so I can't. You know the ones, they start with a car and a big red bow, and end with kissing and an air of superiority. I just don't believe that every kiss begins with Kay, more likely miller lite or some other chemical aphrodisiac. kidding. sort of.

When did it turn into an over-commercialized over candied joke? I remember making valentines boxes at school and giving out valentines with he-man or smurfs saying some witty valentines poem about being blue if you aren't my valentine. And you brought a bag of conversation hearts for the whole class to share. Now all of the valentines are made to be attached to a candy bar- sold separately- for each kid in class.

Why did this happen? And more importantly, how did this happen?

I want to love Valentine's day- there's a little romance in this overly-practical girl. I like flowers, just not three times the regular price for one stupid day flowers. I'm all about expressions of love- just not forced, nerve racking expressions of love.

I'll confess something. In high school my friend and I made our own little club- silly I know. It was the PDAP. The public display of affection police. We took it upon ourselves to rid the halls of all gross and overt displays of public affection, we made little yellow felt sheriff's badges and carried squirt guns and everything. Our busiest day of the year was always Valentine's day.

I theorize-

For some reason the boys would cave to the pressure to:
a. get a girlfriend
b. buy that girlfriend gifts

I think it had something to do with the fact the the girls would cave to the pressure to:
a. hold hands
b. kiss a lot

Man I loved squirting the makers-out right in the nose, then watching them sputter all over their partner in crime's face. classic.

A rebel with a half-crap cause so to speak

the year of the never ending truffles

75* I didn't realize just what a number it is. It's not really a lot of money, unless you're 8 or it's 1860. It is quite an age to reach. It's a C on a test. It's longer that two months. It's how much I spend at Costco every time I go. It's also the number of people for whom I am making Christmas neighbor treats. I didn't realize just how big that number was until I started actually making stuff. It has officially been the year of the never ending truffles.

So I decided to simplify this year. Only 2 things are going out on those neighbor plates, caramels and truffles. Those are my specialties and that's what everyone requests anyway- so it has been decided that there will be no dipping of pretzels, no ginger snap making, and no hot cocoa on a stick.

Now the hard decisions- eggnog or pumpkin for the truffles, and just regular, or regular and licorice caramels, which should I do?


*75 is the sum total of all of the people in the families, I am not crazy enough to attempt 75 individual neighbor gifts. This year anyway

What- did you think I'd actually post whilst on vacation?

Well, if you did, you're right.

I'll sneak a quick recap in for all of you who are just dying to know exactly what there is to do in northern Illinois. Short answer: a whole lotta nothing. Unless you count tornado warnings, tornado sightings and The Girl Child freaking out in the basement, then, it's something.

That tornado day, that was probably the most eventful day of the whole trip. Other than that, playing nertz, boot and glove aka hand foot and mouth, whoonu, and a million other games, eating, lots and lots of eating- really good things, too. Oh and movies, lots of movies. I love Thanksgiving, I love a whole week of Thanksgiving even more.

the rules of christmas decorating

I put up our Christmas decorations today. Yes, I am aware that Thanksgiving has yet to happen, however, I feel justified in doing so, since we are leaving and won't be back until practically December.

I think there's a rule somewhere that says if you are gone for the day after Thanksgiving, when Christmas decorations can legally be put up, that it's ok to have them up before you go. As long as the fall decorations are taken down first, and the Halloween stuff is put all the way away, because really, it's kind of sacrilegious to have those creepy spiders crawling all over the Baby Jesus, but wouldn't you agree?

We're going to Illinois to visit my momma, for 12 whole days. And seeing as we get back on the 29th I felt that it was reasonable to put up Christmas, and have 1 less thing to do when we get home. Still, it seems strange to have all of this stuff up, when it's raining and the leaves are still making their way slowly to the piles on the ground. Strange, but efficient my friends.

random facts: halloween edition

My head is full of useless trivia and facts, well sometimes it's useful, but not that often. I have this weird knack for remembering completely random facts, but not peoples names or appointment times or anything important like that.

I've compiled my list of favorite Halloween random facts for your reading pleasure.


Ireland is typically believed to be the birthplace of Halloween

The first Jack O’Lanterns were actually made from turnips.

According to Irish legend, Jack O’Lanterns are named after a stingy man named Jack who, because he tricked the devil several times, was forbidden entrance into both heaven and hell. He was condemned to wander the Earth, waving his lantern to lead people away from their paths.

Samhainophobia is the fear of Halloween- apparently some people take the pranks too far and scar their siblings for life.

My favorite Halloween movies

The Nightmare Before Christmas

Edward Scissorhands

yesterday's lesson: meh

Sunday's Lesson Report- in technicolor flames now with a post script

I toiled over this lesson for months, months I say, result: meh. I think this means I shouldn't teach the combined lesson again. Seriously at one point I actually said 'cricket, cricket' into the microphone- it was on- and still no response.

I could understand the lack of commentating if it were before 10 - but our church starts at 11:30, so I'm left with the realization that it was my so-so teaching and lesson that elicited this reaction- and not just from the youth, most of the leaders were awfully quiet too. Not sure where I went wrong, (even donuts were served just so their blood sugar levels would be nice and high) so I'm left slightly confused about it all.

On a more exciting note we BBQ-ed and had ourselves a huge grease fire on the grill- flames shooting into the sky, melting the chair that sat next to it huge. It was like the 4th of July, a red neck 4th, but still I felt a strange urge to say the pledge and sing the Star Spangled Banner.

It's what I envisioned the stadium of fire to be like when I was younger, I also wondered how people survived it- so it just goes to show that I had a much better imagination, sick as it was, when I was younger. I wonder what happened to that crazy imagination of mine.

p.s. It was the ym/yw combined lesson that I taught- that in and of itself may have had some bearing on the lack of response

confession of a planning zealot

I know, I know, I'm getting ahead of myself. It's only May for crying out loud, indulge me.

Every year The Mother comes out right around the 4th of July (yes it's hot here, but it's hot AND humid there). We paint our fingers and toes up all patriotic style, we have potato salad and something or other goes on the grill and fireworks are the finale to the day. Perfect in every way.

This year there will be no Mother, sigh, and I'm on the hook for 4th of July breakfast (the YW fundraiser)- I'm just not so sure about all of this.

I'm not the best person to be in charge of things- I'm no good at delegating, so I end up doing everything and being a crazy mess before hand, and vowing never to do anything like that again after. The problem with that is that there is entirely too much to be done for me not to delegate, so I need to figure that out pretty quickly, and there are the traditions that have gone on with the breakfast for the last hundred years, and there are grumbles if anything gets changed or heaven forbid- forgotten.

So I'm already starting to stress about this thing, and it's still almost two months away. I'm slightly over zealous about planning and prep (read OCD). I don't like to be under-prepared- caught with my pants down so to speak.

So the crux of the problem is whether to organize it all now and drive everyone involved crazy but give them the opportunity to share an opinion, and chance an ulcer; or to wait on the meeting/planning frenzy, and still have everything planned without input, and still chance the ulcer. Wish me luck!

I was contemplating skipping the whole obligatory Mother's day post, not that I don't love my mother, or even Mother's day, it's just one of those occasionally touchy subjects in our house of late. Then I found cute Jen's blog, again with the whole linky thing- techno illiterate remember, anyway she challenged everyone to write about one weakness in motherhood, and one strength.

So now I feel guilty for trying to ignore it- and guilt, oh the Jewish mother in the back of my mind, she never rests, and so here is the guilt driven confession of my mothering successes and failures for your reading pleasure.

My weakness is definitely consistency, consistent FHE and family scripture study and expectations and follow through. Oh I try, and I read books on parenting- my latest was Christlike Parenting and now my Jewish mother in my head is telling me that I coerce too much.

I tell her 'but I thought a reward system was the way to reinforce good behavior' and she says 'well apparently it's just bribery, and that's a form of coercion' so now I feel all guilty and incompetent.

My plan- try to just be consistent with the important things, and let the rest fall into place. Read scriptures at breakfast as opposed to bed time- so no one can be too busy or too tired- a trapped audience if you will. FHE lesson on Sunday night, cause Mondays are out of control in our family, and an activity later in the week. That's all I've got on the solution home-front, maybe as I get all consistent like with these things I can add more, but baby steps Bob, baby steps.

My strength, and occasionally annoying trait-according to Girl Child, I'm a smother. I'm involved in all things Emma. Field trips, check, volunteer at school, check, read together every night, check, even playing-ugh- barbies. But she knows I'm available when she needs me, and she knows that I love her no matter what, even when she's naughty, and if there's only one thing she understands about our relationship that would be what I want her to know.

plotting and planting

I'm in charge of the food for the annual family Easter party this year (I got out of the Christmas party- only because we didn't have it this year and I didn't miss it either). I'm making ribs and pulled pork- in a smoker that is the coolest thing ever. Ok, so I'm really probably just going to stand there and watch while our neighbor John does all of the real work- but I'll get all the credit with the family- nice right? I was also able to borrow an Easter bunny costume from another neighbor and now I just need to bribe one of the grown nephews into it... we'll see who takes the bait.

The lawn fertilizer stuff was purchased today- hopefully this system will work to help us keep our lawn from winning the trashiest lawn on the block award, third year running. I have high hopes, so I'd better not be disappointed. Also we're trying to decide what to plant in the garden this year, mostly we've just decided lots and lots of beans- for my roasting pleasure.

Speaking of dashes/hyphens whatever you prefer to call them- I know they are not supposed to be used as a comma, etc. but I like them and will continue to use them at my discretion.

lame song lyrics tell it like it is

Valentines day was cute and sweet in elementary school; there's a class party and you pass out hand made notes into the darling little mail boxes. Somehow it became too commercialized and lame. oh, I'll still give my family little notes and treats, and I'm sure I'll receive some in return. I just don't expect to have 2 dozen red roses show up at my door, or a diamond bracelet to make it's way to my wrist.

I'm so sick of the Kay commercials, and the like, that espouse that if you don't but an expensive gift for every occasion you won't get any lovin {kissing or otherwise} A car with a huge red bow on top is not romance people.

A well planned, meaningful date {in or out} is where it's at. *ehem-wink wink* Schroeder

"I can't buy you nice things, like big diamond rings, but that don't mean much anyway-
I will write you a song, that's how you'll know my love is still strong, and you'll know from the song that I just can't go on without you" -plain white t's

My recipe for an easy breezy Christmas

This year we've decided to do a service Christmas, and I have to say it's been a pretty stress-free season so far. Except the decorating part where, for 2 whole days, my living room looked like an elfin war zone. Christmas guts everywhere I tell you. Sometimes it gets on the walls though, you know.

I have been able to be my hermit-ish self, guilt free I might add, and stay in watching frosty, rudolph, and the ever popular Christmas story, while much of the rest of civilization is out shopping. That's not to say there will be no gifts, but most will not be store bought but tons will be created in my kitchen. caramels people caramels.

I'm thinking about doing 12 days of Christmas service-style for The Schroeder and girl child, I have exactly 4 ideas so far. I'll keep thinking, I have a week left to figure it out. plenty of time.

All I need now is some snow.

Over-rated, and Christmas magic

There are some things about Christmas that I just can't get enough of, love them truly. Hot chocolate by the fire, reading stories to my girl child, no school, the treats, the secret gifting, the holiday in general leaves me bursting with excitement; like a chihuahua whose family left on vacation and now is back, puddles on the floor excited, people.

Then it's time to pull out the decorations, don't get me wrong, I love the decorations that accompany Christmas, I just don't do it well. Not at Christmas, not at Halloween, not in general. I need a decorating genius to come to my house and tell me how to decorate, maybe bring all the trimmings too, 'cause I don't know what to get when I look at the walls of pillows or the aisles in the home decor department. I just stare at it all and look very bewildered, I'm sure the other people in the store wonder why the crazy lady is just standing there like a statue, but I'm really truly in decor overload and unable to make coherent or rational decisions. Decorating really is over-rated.

On to a completely unrelated but oh, so tasty subject, I must tell you about tim-tams. I'll bet you're wondering what the heck tim-tams are, so I'll be a generous soul and tell you a magical Christmas secret. Tim-tams are a cookie from Australia, there is a trick you can do with them and your hot cocoa that makes a magical sensation in your mouth- E.S. said "It's like I had and epiphany in my mouth" and it's true, they are that good.

So the magic trick is to bite off opposing corners and then dip it in the cocoa and suck it like a straw, a chocolate square straw, but a straw nonetheless (just stay with me, you'll like it I promise). Then as soon as the cocoa hits your mouth pop the whole cookie in, don't chew or anything, and let the epiphany come. I will warn you, there is a 3 cookie at a time maximum. Should you exceed the limit you will experience diabetic-coma-like symptoms (just sleep it off, it'll be ok in the end)

What happened to Thanksgiving

I just heard my first Christmas song of the season, normally this would make me giddy with thoughts of stockings and decorating, staying up all night making and wrapping gifts, but today it did not elicit those feelings.

Why? Oh I'll tell you why.

Because there are still 16 more days to Thanksgiving, one of the best holidays of the year. Let's not forget thanksgiving people. I know I know Christmas is exciting, I can hardly stand it myself, but part of the excitement is the anticipation, so let me have my 2.5 more weeks of anticipating the Christmas season without it being thrust into my radio!