Friday, October 29, 2010

Things that should stay

You know that game I have- things that must go? Well I have another version for you today, it's Things that should stay. I'm sure you all have your lists too, of those things that just make life a little nicer. I know you're thinking of them in your head- I'll wait.

Girl child going to bed nicely- that definitely should stay for a long time, or at least until she moves out.

Mirror notes- I love writing on the mirror with dry erase markers, especially since I can't ever find a pen, or blank paper

Those really great ideas that pop right into my head while I'm in the shower- especially since I now write them on the mirror and actually remember them

And speaking of showers- nice hot showers at the end of the day- then I can get into bed all snuggly, and my sheets are perfectly chilly and the pillow is just the right degree cold. The cold side of the pillow is a luxury unto it self, but don't you agree?

Compliments about my brains or otherwise genius self- not that compliments in the form of 'you look nice' aren't accepted too. It's just that the ones about my brains are so much more appreciated.

a giveaway- but not mine

go here You'll be glad you did when you see the shoes

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

an explanation and a giveaway

It's 1:35 pm and there is snow- on the ground, all sticking like, with no plans to melt. And here I was, just saying how it finally felt like fall, sweaters and flip-flops and all- then out of nowhere we have snow. ummm- I think winter is getting a little ahead of itself, and I don't think I'm too pleased either. I'll let you know when I decide.

So on to the real reason for this post. Jen convinced me I should give away a sampling of my tiny truffles, twisted my arm right into it I tell you. Ok- so maybe it was just a suggestive comment, but still she's the reason- so thank her if you win.

Seeing as I have no idea how to do this whole giveaway thing; what conditions to place upon it, what hoops to make you jump through, I'll keep it simple. Leave a comment saying that you'd actually like to try them and I'll make the Schroedecider pick a name from a bowl. Easy enough right?

And now for the explanation, indicated in the title. It's about the hovercraft- what a story- it goes like this, with only minor embellishments- for entertainment's sake only though.

Once upon a time a young man was talking to an old farmer- the young man totally gets the old farmers, seeing as he is one- at heart anyway. The old farmer takes the young man on a walk of the farm, and lo and behold, there was a hovercraft sitting.

Being the Y chromosomed being that he is, he ogled and admired said hovercraft. So the old farmer generously offered the hovercraft to the young man, free of charge. And so the young man dragged that sucker home, hoping to gain forgiveness from his lovely and kind wife, seeing as he failed to chat with her about such and acquisition- it was free of charge after all.

She forgave him, but, occasionally and very silently, she loathes the hovercraft in private. Cursing it's state of in- between-motors-at-the-time, and it's lack of motivation to even find one. But sometimes, especially at Christmas, the lovely and tolerant wife actually likes the old thing. Mostly due to it's usefulness as a decoration, and because it's Christmas, good will to all, and such.

And now you know the story of the hovercraft that sits in my garden, and how it came to be- at my house anyway. I don't know how it got to the old farmer's house, or what his wife thought about it either.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

the things fall brings

It finally feels like fall- the leaves are starting to pile up and it's the perfect shade of cloudy.

My pumpkins are just the right color for picking (yes that is a hovercraft sitting in my garden) It's practically the perfect time of year.

And best of all- I think I just found a venue in which to sell my tiny truffles. Pumpkin and cookies & cream for now, then after I perfect them, eggnog and wassail too. It was one of those happy accidents- serendipity I believe it's called.

Boxes- pretty little boxes. I need to find some to package those tiny truffles in. Maybe plain white boxes with ribbon tied on. what do you think? Oh the possibilities. I love the sparkly nesting and cooking feelings that fall brings. The ideas that suddenly pop into my brain- visions of sugar plums even!

It makes me wonder why my brain is so much more active in the fall-ish times. Do you know? I sure don't- but I've learned not to look a good idea horse in the mouth, or however that expression goes.

Friday, October 22, 2010

golf lessons

* warning, the following contains heavy sarcasm, and is a joke loosely based on an actual conversation. And I truly do love those teens of the '00's

I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while, I've been too busy judging the youth of today. The problem, as everyone knows, is that the youth of generation "next" (and you know who you are) are only concerned with having fun. Since when was life fun, I'd like to know? Since when was work an entertaining romp? Since never.

Mary Poppins tried to sell us that bill of goods 40 years ago, but most of us were smart enough to know better. But not the youth of today. Everything is fun, fun, fun. Everything is a circus with free, limitless pony rides. With their texting and their youtube shows, I tell you! Well, anyway.

The thing that really bothers me about this listless, vile generation is that they have no concept of winning. They have yet to learn a valuable lesson: that winning is everything. I hate it. Work and winning go hand and hand, but don't tell that to the teens of the 00's, with their Rihanna and their krump dancing.

Perfect example: The youth playing indoor mini-golf. As the lone winning-minded adult on my team I felt I had the duty to teach them about winning. But no- they were all cheering for the other teams and high fiving their mistakes away with some good natured ribbing thrown in for good measure. They weren't learning about real life. But they were sure having fun! Even the other leaders were embracing this whole new 'lets just play for fun attitude'. Big enablers.

I don't know what to do about the youth of today. It makes me sick even thinking about it. Do you have any ideas? What's that? Paper routes? That's so 80's. What else? Free car washes? Good luck! They just make fun posters and soak each other with suds. I give up.

I'm not angry, just disappointed. Well, I'm like 60% angry and 40% disappointed. I bet forty years from now our President will be some Red Bull addict who sits at home playing Garage Band. It's basically the apocalypse. Sound bleak? Well, don't kill the messenger.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

not in the literal sense

I've been worrying for more than a week. Sick in my stomach, can't think of anything else- but don't want to think of 'it' kind of worrying.

It was hinted that (potentially) The Girl Child had bipolar disorder. So many of the symptoms fit, stupid red-flag check list. A few weren't quite right, though. I've been going crazy waiting for, and dreading, the appointment- the one that I was expecting would doom us to a lifetime of medications and I don't know what else.

I've seen bipolar disorder, and it's so hard to watch. The spiraling depression, the loss of control. I didn't want that for The Girl- a burden too hard to bear.

Turns out it was nothing of the sort- thank heavens for professionals, is all I have to say. Abandonment fears, and separation anxiety. Totally treatable, and fixable, and disgustingly easy when compared to the alternative.

Turns out I'm not barmy after all, well not in the literal sense anyway.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

random facts: halloween edition

My head is full of useless trivia and facts, well sometimes it's useful, but not that often. I have this weird knack for remembering completely random facts, but not peoples names or appointment times or anything important like that.

I've compiled my list of favorite Halloween random facts for your reading pleasure.

Ireland is typically believed to be the birthplace of Halloween

The first Jack O’Lanterns were actually made from turnips.

According to Irish legend, Jack O’Lanterns are named after a stingy man named Jack who, because he tricked the devil several times, was forbidden entrance into both heaven and hell. He was condemned to wander the Earth, waving his lantern to lead people away from their paths.

Samhainophobia is the fear of Halloween- apparently some people take the pranks too far and scar their siblings for life.

My favorite Halloween movies

The Nightmare Before Christmas

Edward Scissorhands

Monday, October 11, 2010

actual conversation

Schroeder: Hey, Babe- would you need a centrifuge for anything?

Smarty Pants: Um, no... Why?

Schroeder: I was just checking,
I found one for ten bucks

My friend told me when she was first married she had dreams/nightmares that her husband would cheat on her. He never did.

My dreams/nightmares are that Schroeder brings home some new, and ridiculously unnecessary thing which he will never part with again. My Schroesband has hoarder like tendencies, and this very well could happen.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

9 /10 ain't bad

My brain child was born, well one of them anyway, it was a long and very intensive gestation and labor, like that of an elephant. The pumpkin truffles are perfected, 9 out of 10 tasters agree.

I've been stewing on these babies for nearly a year, and working obsessively all week. Trying different variations, a pinch more of this, a lot less of that, white chocolate, milk chocolate, dark chocolate. White, definitely, white.

You'd think after all of that hard work I'd at least take a picture of 1 of my babies, alas, I was too overcome to think of the camera at a moment like that.

So now, I'm even starting to contemplate selling my truffle babies (wassail, and eggnog are nearly ready). I even have the perfect name- wait for it- Tiny Truffles. It makes a sparkly vision in my head when I say it. Tiny Truffles- see there it is again.

All I need is just a few elves to do the hard labor, for free, and someone who can design a cute logo. Maybe the tooth fairy, or the Easter Bunny- it's his off season you know.

I think I would actually do it if I were more of a risk taker, but I speak safety and security, not entrepreneur or small business loan. I need to learn a few more languages apparently- why not French, too, while I'm at it?

*No testers, or animals, were harmed in the making of this product

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Things that must go

It's time again to play one of my favorite games: Things that must go. The short, but random list of annoying things that just shouldn't be.

1. The sprinklers turning on mid-shower, decreasing the water pressure to a trickle- making it impossible to rinse all of the shampoo out. Yeah- that's gotta stop.

2. Standing water in the shower, and no draino in the house, so it's in that state for a few days. It really limits just how long one can stand under the running water, before it spills over the edge and turns the bathroom floor into a pool.

3. Being otherwise occupied when the cleaning/organizing mojo turns on. It's a fickle thing, the mojo. It must be seized when the opportunity arises, it doesn't wait for the busy.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

no reason

Often times, for reasons unknown to even myself, I'll find myself thinking about jobs. Ones that I would not be a good fit for, ones that I would so rock at, and just in case I ever find myself in a position where I am offered said job, I'll be prepared with my answer without having to think about it. (Like a majority of my thoughts, this doesn't actually serve a purpose.) I'm sure you're wondering just exactly wouldn't I be good at- and not wanting to come off as egotistical, I'll leave you with the list of jobs I'd suck at:

President of the United States- I would veto things just for the sake of stamping a giant NO on it. And also I would blow off dumb meetings to play hide and seek in the White House. And I would be painfully honest and probably tell "important" people how truly unimportant they are, potentially starting WW3

Proctologist- behinds are gross

Podiatrist- same as above, except feet- feet are yucky

Sportscaster- I don't really love sports and I'd just play with the screen pen thing on people's faces- goatees, horns, handlebar mustaches, and the like

DJ- I'd only play music I liked- none of that lame crap

Game show host- I hate seeing people uncomfortable, so if they didn't know the answer I'd randomly blurt it out

Traffic cop- I'd make rude people wait an extra long time, just to teach them about considerate driving and some patience

Anything on an aircraft carrier- I watched this show called Carrier on PBS, and boy did that teach me that I'd never make it there. The deck gets up to 140 F- I'd be on break all of the time, too hot. They have to save all of the garbage until they stop at a port- smelly. There's really nothing I'd be good at there.

Lucky for me, I'm not often approached out of the blue and offered random jobs in which I have absolutely no experience. It's probably not a coincidence, either, that I selected jobs that have relatively high levels of pressure upon job performance, either. I'm all about keeping the expectations low, or at least not too high, so I don't disappoint anyone.

Monday, October 4, 2010


Those pumpkins- they are smug vegetables if there ever were. While I was lamenting my lack of a garden- they were sneakily growing themselves into the best hiding spots they could find. Only to surprise me with their very existence. There they dangle, looking ever so pleased with themselves about that trick- and the cracked window too, I suppose.

Friday, October 1, 2010

How did he know that's exactly how I'd feel?

Sometimes I used to wonder; if Schroeder and I got divorced- but still cohabited, (aka "shacked up") while one or more of us abused illegal substances, had no job or way to support a family- if we'd magically get pregnant. It seems that's a recipe often used these days. And BAM! Out of no where Isaiah tells me this is true. Only he says it in more biblical terms. Jacob 22/Isaiah 54

"Sing, O barren, thou that didst not bear; break forth into singing, and cry aloud, thou that didst not travail with child; for more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married wife, saith the Lord- For a small moment have I forsaken thee, but with great mercies will I gather thee. In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment, but with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee, saith the Lord thy Redeemer"

See- he totally knew. It's a good thing the last half is there, or I just might have become as the desolate, noted above, totally saved me some serious repenting.